I Had an Abortion: My Testimony of Divine Redemption!

"My life is over"

"What am I gonna do?"

"I'll get rid of it if I have to"

"I'm gonna have to drop out of school if I keep it"

"I just have to hustle and make something happen in the next few months"

May 1, 2020, I discovered that I was pregnant after much anxiety from knowing that something was off with my body. I had just turned 19 years old a few weeks prior and was a sophomore in college. I had my whole life ahead of me. Surely, a baby would come between my plans by either slowing them down or destroying the idea of them completely. I didn't have any money, nor was I in a stable condition to take care of a baby, let alone myself. Fear completely took over me and I couldn't tell my mom because I was afraid of how she would take the news. Would she be disappointed? Would she be happy and support me? And my peers? I couldn't bear the weight of the embarrassment that I would have felt from them finding out, since having a baby at a young age is frowned upon. So, in haste, my boyfriend at that time and I mutually decided to get an abortion.

This entire process was stressful, depressing, and filled with anxiety. During this time, abortion was a controversial topic, with active efforts to have it banned. The facility that I ended up going to was the only one in my area and I had called a total of eight times to get an appointment. I can remember tears coming out of my eyes on the eighth call because I thought I wouldn't be able to get an appointment, but I finally got an answer. On the phonecall, the receptionist gave me my first appointment date along with how much money I needed to bring. My first appointment was scheduled for May 11th, 2020.

Before I elaborate further, let's take a detour and fast forward four years later to 2024. After doing a little research, I found out that this moment that I'm getting ready to share happened mid March or early April of 2024. One day as I was reflecting on my life and how far God had brought me, Holy Spirit led me to go back and revisit the messages shared between me and a friend during the entire pregnancy/abortion process from 2020, which I had never deleted to this day. When I revisited the messages from the day that I had my first appointment at the abortion clinic, I noticed that the date was May 11th, 2020. When I seen this, I immediately started to weep and thank God! This is so significant because May 11th, 2021, is the day that I decided to give my life to Christ. Since then, I’ve been on fire for God and living set apart. Prior to this moment in 2024, I didn’t keep track or memory of the date of my first appointment for the abortion because who wants to remember that? This moment of realization was God's doing and it was a gentle reminder from God that He was intentional in the way that He pursued me.

Who would've known that exactly one year later after having my first appointment at an abortion clinic to inquire about terminating a pregnancy, I would be sitting on the floor of my bedroom inquiring of the Lord and committing my life to Jesus for the very first time? God is so merciful! The fact that He still continues to pursue us even after we make our bed in sin shows His never ending desire to commune with us. What a God!

For the abortion, I decided to undergo the medical procedure instead of the surgical procedure. A medical abortion is a procedure in which a pregnancy is terminated by taking medication. With this route, I had to attend three doctor's appointments: orientation, the official day to take the first pill that would start the abortion process, and a follow up visit. This process required me to take 5 pills: one orally and three or four vaginally. The first pill was taken at the clinic, while the others had to be taken 24 hours later at home. I won't go into complete details about everything, but to sum it up, it felt like an intensified period, with more blood.

This was by far one of the worst things I had to experience in my life due to the mental and emotional pain it caused me. I was depressed and afraid. And on top of that, I found out that I was getting cheated on during the time I was going through the abortion. It didn't feel safe to rely on many people because I was living in fear of what others would have thought of me.

One of my greatest desires in life is to be a mom and I am certain that motherhood is in God's will for me. Even after I had given my life to Christ in 2021, I still dealt with guilt and shame for what I had done. How could I do such thing to my baby? But by the grace of God, throughout my journey, I came into knowledge of what I did, why it was wrong in God's eyes, and the spiritual implications that are attached to abortions. Contrary to popular belief, abortion is murder. And that's what I did. End a human's life. I was able to intentionally repent and freely receive God's forgiveness as well as forgive both myself, and the person whose baby it was.

Surprisingly though, even after all of this I still hadn't received the fullness of my freedom to walk unashamed from what I'd done because the spirit of fear had a stronghold on me concerning sharing this information. The people who knew were few and I planned to keep it that way. I was taking this to the grave with me! I remember one day fasting and praying concerning this situation and the Lord told me that He had given me freedom and victory over this, but that there was one hinderance to becoming fully free, and that was the fact that I was still hiding this information from my mom. I felt such a tugging in my spirit to tell her, but the fear I felt was just as strong as the urge to tell her.

I attempted to tell my mom one day, but I couldn't. I became sick to my stomach, premeditating both the flow and outcome of the conversation. I allowed the enemy to whisper so many lies to me while also thinking of the worst that could happen. Thankfully, I was eventually able to share this information with my mom and it went better than I expected! Does that mean that it wasn't hard to tell her at the moment when I decided to muster up the courage to? No. The gap between the first time I attempted to tell her and the actual day that I told her was months apart from each other. The day that I built up enough courage to tell her, I was extremely tired of being crippled by fear and I was determined to be set free, so I had a decision to make: to stay bound to fear, which would keep me silent, or to be set free. I chose to be set free! And the beautiful thing is that I can now tell this story without fear of what others have to say or think.

When God delivers us, our testimonies are not to be silenced and taken to the grave; instead, they are to be told because obedience in doing so is connected to freeing others, bringing God glory, and overcoming the enemy!

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony" Revelation 12:11

Fear and silence literally hindered my testimony from being shared. And I truly believe that just the simple act of sharing this with my mom was tied to my ability to publicly share this with you now at this very moment. I don't think I'd be sharing this testimony on my blog if I didn't tell my mom because what would it have looked like if I publicly released this and she had to find out this way? I needed to first overcome fear from those who were closest to me.

One thing that I later understood was that the reason I got the abortion didn't matter, though my reasons seemed valid. It didn't matter that I didn't have the money or means to provide for the child. It didn't matter that I was scared or afraid. Nor did it matter that I had my whole life ahead of me and that having a child would disrupt or possibly delay those plans, but it all had one root: Sin. The hard truth is this: all of the pain that I had experienced was a result of sin in my life. The bible says,

"For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord " Romans 6:23 KJV

Simply put, sin will always have a consequence.The only payment we receive in return from living a life of sin is death. Most significant though, is a spiritual death that separates us from God. Living a life embedded in sin blinds us of our sin towards God, and it's not until our eyes are opened to the Truth that we are set free from the many deceptions and false hopes of sin, no matter what the sin is. Our eyes are opened when we come to God, accepting Him, along with His truth (His word). The good news is that through salvation, God gifts us with eternal life, a life not bound to the death that comes as a result of sin. As we become active participants in defeating sin in our lives, God's power backs us so that we are no longer spiritually dead, but alive in Him who gives us strength to overcome the power of sin.

And that's what happened. The Lord redeemed me from the effects of sin in my life once I gave my life to Him. Unfortunately for me, in the life that I lived in separation from Him, the wages of the sin of fornication I committed eventually led to the physical death of the seed growing in my womb.

The fear that was once attached to this past event in my life was designed by the enemy to keep me silent and hindered, but God had a different agenda! Which is why exactly one year later, He divinely intervened in my life.

If you've had, went through, or experienced an abortion (this includes men), know that God's grace and mercy is still available to you today. Repent and you will be forgiven! If God has forgiven me, how much more will He forgive you? There's literally nothing that God cannot redeem. He loves you no matter how ugly your past may be. Even if your past or current sin looks different, the same message applies.

SHAME IS NOT YOUR PORTION; REDEMPTION IS!

If you know me personally, you know that I am not the same woman that I was four years ago. God has changed me from the inside out. Before coming to Christ, I silently struggled with being secure in my identity. I found my identity in unhealthy relationships and I sought out my self worth through the approval of others. I attempted to fill voids that I later realized only God could fill. I was living beneath who God had called me to be. This testimony is one of redemption and I'm forever grateful that God still called me worthy even though I did nothing to deserve it. All glory belongs to God and God alone. I could never take the credit for this!

It takes a journey to get to the promise!

---

Abortion Prayers

I have created prayers for 3 groups of people. If you've had an abortion or multiple abortions, if you were the father of an aborted baby, or if you helped anyone in any way to get an abortion. Click here for the prayer document.

---

Want to give your life to Christ? Click here to view the salvation prayer on our resources page.